I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
