i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
