nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
