tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
