Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
