you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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