Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
