It's Friday. Sex?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
