im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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