I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
