I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
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