you will always have a special place in my vag
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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