Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Randomize
