tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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