I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
