MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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