Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
