On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
