I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
