I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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