I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
