that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
