i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
