She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
