He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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