i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
