i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
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