i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize