bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
