okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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