You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
