would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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