what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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