I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
It's Friday. Sex?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
God, I missed his penis.
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