I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
