Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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