party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
