So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
