Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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