My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
