i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You have to summon your inner elephant
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I can't turn off my feet"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
