I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
