So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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