I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
