He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
