She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
