Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
