dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
