I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
