My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
