i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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