Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
