if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
