Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
