if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
