return my video game
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
