its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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