someone owes me an orgasm
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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