i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
