idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Please don't give away my fajitas
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