Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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