i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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