you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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