I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
