I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
